Everything Comes Full Circle - Why Doors Sometimes Don't Open For Us

Experiencing one closed door after another?  Maybe it is time to do some soul searching.  We all have gifts.  It is important to remember that whatever our gifts may be, they are from the Divine - the endless source of universal love, intelligence, and wisdom.

Gifts are given so that - yes- we can receive all of the good feelings that come with accomplishments and the admiration of others (within reason - after all, we are worthy), but mainly so that we can share them, touching, blessing, and loving others while serving the greater good of all living beings.

I've spent a fair share of time chasing after things for reasons other than facilitating the greater good-ness. I saw other peoples' dreams and tried to accomplish what they had achieved, thinking that this would bring me happiness.  I tried my hand at a number of different trades and activities looking to fill a void, but I now see that what I really sought was the happiness, contentment, and satisfaction that I saw in the eyes and hearts of those who had found the gifts that God had given them and had found a way to pursue those passions. I wanted to experience what they were experiencing. Perhaps you can identify with this. This is the point where we must be open and receptive to realizing our own gifts - not all of the gifts we see in others and wish we had or think we can have if we work hard enough, but those gifts that have been placed in our hearts and that come with relative ease. I feel this way about writing.

As people continue to be drawn to the work that I am putting out via blogging, tweeting, and Facebooking,  I am grateful and thankful to the Universe for planting the seed in my heart to pursue writing. Its something I've loved, enjoyed, and been encouraged to do since I was a young child - yet up until the past year or so, I really didn't value it.  Perhaps I doubted that I could ever get back into the flow again...perhaps I worried that no one would read what I would put out there.  But there was a moment when I decided to go for it, and now there is no turning back.

Life responded when I finally let go of trying to control everything and trying to force things into happening.  My job is a manifestation of this.  I just could not understand, even in this incredibly crazy economy, why Life was "not providing" a job for me even though I searched daily and went out on interviews. It seemed like all of the doors were closed.

I spent so much time on the internet: reading blogs, using Twitter, learning the ins and outs of social media...sometimes I felt like a bum (and others around me often had a snide remark about how much time I spent online) and now, I am using all of these skills in combination with prior experiences in my role at a company that I absolutely love working at - everything about the situation is simply Divine.

There are no accidents.  Life wasn't holding out on me. It is not holding out on you, either.

Things happen for a reason. Everything comes full circle.  You may be wondering why every door seems closed right now, even though you are giving it your all.  Perhaps you are going out on job interviews and have been "sure" that several jobs were the perfect fit.  Keep your chin up and know that if you trust and keep doing the footwork, it is all going to work out. In fact, it is all working itself out right now in this very moment.  The more we trust, the more the Universe reveals.

Get in touch with what you know in your heart are your gifts and ask the Universe to use you for the greater good. It may not be exactly what you imagined, or it may be EXACTLY what you imagined.

May you take comfort in knowing that you are counted.  You are loved. You are on your own path, and the more you Trust, the more you will See, and the Doors will begin to open.

Namaste,
Debbie aka Sulilo

So Bored and Nothing (Yeah Right!) to Do

Do you ever procrastinate things like housework, grocery shopping, and the like until it's absolutely necessary?  Do you feel guilt ridden over it?

It may be time to show yourself compassion and get to the root of the procrastination.

In my own recent experience, I had a long period of unemployment.  I ended up settling into a lifestyle of spending time each day looking for work, going to yoga class, eating packed lunches or fast food while sitting leisurely listening to KGO talk radio, Lady Gaga, or whatever my mood was calling out for.

I live with my partner, who is employed and was throughout my unemployment experience, and even though it was quite a toll on him financially to float the both of us with what little I got from unemployment benefits, he was SO supportive throughout the entire process of me either getting no response from potential employers to getting interviews and either finding out that jobs that once paid bank would now pay less than unemployment or I lost out to someone younger, to me going from depression over the situation to feeling a sense of liberation as I began to realize that I am not my occupation.

Because he stretched his paycheck to float us financially and stretched his heart to encourage me and lift me up emotionally, I was able to get through.  Sometimes I miss being able to get up and go to bed on my body's clock and not on a set schedule.  Sometimes I miss getting to be wherever I'd like to be: the park, yoga class, the library, the mall, the beach, meeting with friends at lunch time...I basically had a very long vacation, though the stress of knowing that my benefits would eventually run out and my efforts to secure employment - which had never been an issue for me in the past - haunted me and lingered in the background. My debt did not go away with my job.

Now that I am employed, I am so much more at ease.  I have more self-esteem because I feel that I am contributing positively in an environment where my efforts are appreciated and I get to use my creative side.  I actually like to be there keeping busy and using my brain. And, of course, the paycheck is nice. While I miss those lazy days, I try to make my weekends look as much like them as possible - which can be difficult.

I had grown accustomed to having full days that I could dedicate to cleaning the house, doing laundry, going grocery shopping, running errand, etc.  Now, since I live and work in the same rural town in the San Francisco Bay Area, I go home after work and am usually wishing that dinner were made for me and that the house would clean itself. (Did I mention that my partner recently broke his leg in a motorcycle accident and is laid up on the couch?)

I am so grateful for that time I got to enjoy, and learning to schedule my time continues to be a balancing act.  I have been pretty stubborn about "allowing" anyone to come in to help with housecleaning, but given all the variables, I've decided to give in on this one. We are actively seeking someone to come in and help with housework a couple of times a month.

But in the meantime, I must do it, and I often procrastinate.  When I "get away" with "forgetting" to wash the dishes, vacuum, or put all the clothes away, I almost feel like the little kid who got away with stealing from the cookie jar...only Mama eventually finds the crumbs, and he's left cleaning up the mess.

Today I sat in front of the computer refreshing Facebook and feeling incredibly bored. My mind turned to the many things I "could" and "should" be doing, and I began how good it would feel to accomplish some of them. But, I felt lazy and complacent. Part of me wanted to continue staring at the screen waiting for something to happen, but part of me wanted to do all the housework that I was putting off until tomorrow.

I started with the bathroom, and the momentum took off. Now the house is clean with just some dusting and laundry left for tomorrow. It feels good. It's kind of like exercise - for most of us, it's so difficult to get started, but after the workout, we feel fantastic.  That's how I felt after I cleaned the house today.  Now I can enjoy the rest of the weekend without the "should be doings" haunting me.

Last night, I was sitting in front of the tv. Nothing was on, so I practiced to a Tivo session of Wai Lana yoga. 30-minutes well spent. I slept like a baby afterward and it set the stage for my desire to sleep in a bit and do some gentle stretching before starting my day.

Why do we put off doing what is in our best interest/what is good for us/what we know will make us feel better?  Sometimes we need a little push from within. Sometimes we need to envision ourselves doing those things that must be done, and of course, how good we'll feel as we're getting them done and after we've accomplished them.

I admire those of you who are mothers and who also work and keep up with the house.  I have no idea how you do it and send you many, many blessings.

So, after you read this blog, of course, what is it that you can do today instead of putting it off until tomorrow?

Namaste